Happy New Year!

It's a fresh new year, and the first day of a new semester, so I figured I'd try to get back into the blogging swing of things. I was actually feeling pretty good about being ready for class today, getting to work on time with everything I needed, etc., until lp (seriously, we need a new name for her, so THINK, people!) called at 8:30.

"My ride hasn't come and the bus has already gone by and I can't reach anyone on the phone and I'm so sorry!"

So I did what any parent would, and grabbed my keys and headed out the door. On the way there I called her dentist to cancel today's appointment and reschedule, and also called the doctor's office to make appointments with them for good measure. But the dentist can't see her until March. I have an appointment in February, but I can't transfer it to her because kids and adults see different people in that office. "She has a HOLE IN HER TOOTH," I say, also dropping in the words "infection" and "abscess." They promise to squeeze her in the morning of the day I'm there (which will be oh so convenient, two trips to the dentist on the same day) and to call me if there are any cancellations before then.

She came flying out the front door as soon as I pulled up, still stumbling over all her apologies and frustration at being late for school for the first time, like, EVAR, and how everyone's going to be staring at her which SUCKS, and why didn't her friend answer the phone anyway? I had her in slightly better spirits by the time we parked at her school and went inside. Once in the office, I went for the sign-in book while explaining that we had transportation confusion this morning, so sorry, etc.

"But there's no school today," the helpful office person said. "We don't come back from break until tomorrow."

Well! That would explain why lp's classroom, which she pointed out to me, was dark. And I suppose all those cars in the parking lot are for the teachers (who we passed in the auditorium) doing their in-service day.

lp and I had a good laugh over the whole thing, but the rub is that this kind of mistake, oversight, miscue, whatever - this kind of thing makes me nuts. Not just because I can't stay on top of her schedule (though that's mildly embarrassing to any parent) but because in the end, no one else is responsible for it. My dad was in town recently and he was saying that the great joy of grandchildren is not just that they're wonderful and you love them, but that you get all of the pleasure of being with the child and having a relationship, with none of the responsibility. Oh, sure, you're responsible for their safety when they're with you, and for their transportation on your watch, etc. But when they're not with you, it's officially Someone Else's Problem. And I have still not grown accustomed to the loneliness and enormity of being handed all the responsibility for lp. I have still not gotten over going from being one of two, of having a full-time backup, to where I am now. lp chipped her tooth a few weeks ago while she was with her father, and no one called me. No one else will schedule an appointment with the dentist and take her. No one will even ask if it's been done, or if I need them to call because there's just too much on my plate sometimes. And if anyone, lp or her father or anyone else, does ask it will usually be with an undertone of, "Why haven't you done it yet?"

I expect that undertone to be there for the rest of my life (just amplifying what was already in my head), and I have to tell you, it sucks. For everything that doesn't get done, or that falls through the cracks, or that gets overlooked or misunderstood or miscommunicated, for every failure no matter how big or small, there is only one person responsible for it. So I'm trying to teach her to be responsible for her world, to make sure she knows her school deadlines and choir schedules and paperwork. And I know I have so many people who help me, people who are thrilled when I delegate something to them. But I miss the impression, no matter how illusory it was, that I shared responsibility with someone else.

Thursday, 7-24-08

It’s my last night in the house. I woke up early and got back to work, frantically boxing things up. Mid-morning, Nathan and Carey and their friend Chris arrived with a rented truck and began emptying the house of the last of his things, and then they tackled the garage. For five years Nathan used the garage as storage for his company, and as a work area, and a shipping space, and it was filthy and stuffed with discarded boxes and plans and ideas. They cleaned it all out, retrieved things that I was pitching and added them to their pile for the dump, and loaded it all on their truck. They cleaned the whole garage, and now it’s spotless. I still can’t find words to express how grateful I am that he took total responsibility for all that and got it done. I would never have been able to do it along with everything else. I am so, so thankful to them.

Mid-afternoon, Kurt arrived and began helping me box the last of the hanging clothes. Soon after came my neighbors, Chriswell and Angela and their daughter Carli. Then Carrie Taylor. Then my friend Kevin. Then Carrie’s boyfriend, Blair. They attacked the living room, which the packers had left full of boxes, and we loaded up the 4 cars and did 3 caravans over to the new place, depositing things in their respective rooms and the garage. Everyone eventually drifted off, and Kurt and I came back to the old house for pizza and beer. I had another 3 people text or call tonight, to see if I needed anything.

These people have saved my world. They are so proud of me for landing such a great new home for me and lp, so perfectly sized and so ready for our happy family. My heart is so full.

Wednesday, 7-23-08

This morning my agent called and said the buyers are insistent: I have to be out of the house by midnight Friday, or there’s no deal and no closing. I spent the day freaking out, canceling my trip tomorrow to New Orleans, and transferring utilities. I’ve spoken to tons of people, all of whom have asked me, “Why are they doing this?!” I don’t know. There are a couple of guesses, like maybe they’ve upped the ante to push me into breach of contract so they can back out without forfeiting any money. But why they would do this now, after keeping their offer open for five months, I cannot explain. Whatever the reason, I have the same challenge.

I reminded myself to breathe throughout the day, and when I felt myself shutting down I called Erika. She canceled her after-work plans and said she’d meet me at 5:30. After work I went to pick up the keys to my new place, because Thank God, they could turn it over to me immediately. From there I went to meet Erika, and since I got there first I immediately ordered a very large martini. Erika came and we started to go through it all, then I looked up and Carrie Taylor was walking in. Erika saved me from having to explain what was going on, and the two of them immediately pulled out phones and started scrolling through their phonebooks. “Who do we know? They can come over during lunchtime tomorrow and Friday, that’s all we need.” By the time they put the phones down we’d lined up 15 people to come by and pitch in. “Babe, we got this,” they said. “This is totally do-able. You’ve done things a lot harder than this, and besides, people like to feel useful. You’re really doing them a favor, giving them an opportunity to be helpful!” Then they came back to my house, finished packing up my kitchen, and totally set me right.

I am the luckiest, most blessed person I know.

Tuesday, 7-22-08

I filled out what appeared to be an entirely superficial application today after work, and took pictures of the condo for lp. I think this is it. I think we’ll spend the next year here, me forcing myself through my last year of law school, and her doing the best she can to salvage something out of the dregs of middle school. We’re in transition, but to my very great relief, I’m getting us into a safe space for it.

Is It Clean Enough For You?

Holy crapmonkeys, I can't believe this is a real Thing, yet it is: http://www.cleaninghunk.com/.

10 Days to Close

If you’ve made it to your thirties without a big shakeup in your world, then you might not realize how hard it was in your twenties, when you were putting together a single adult’s life.

07-18-08 – Friday
When you ask God to make your family closer, God gives you opportunities to get closer to your family, aka adversity. I asked God for help, for the patience to let my situation resolve itself, and I received those gifts. I prayed vaguely for a solution, and now I have one: a solution that I must figure my way through, picking and choosing among the options to find the steadiest ground for lp and myself. It’s no less scary and worrying and emotionally-charged than any other moment of change in my life. But it is a solution. “I fought you every step of the way.” – Evan Almighty

Hello world!

And here we are, after quite some time apart.

I learned a great deal during our trial separation, particularly that I will keep writing regardless of blog availability, so I suppose that's good (for me, anyway). A lot has happened in the past few months:

I moved, most importantly. The house, after 18 months on the market, finally sold and now lp and I are in our own little townhouse, my first place of my own, and we're setting things up with a fury. It's delicious.

lp turned 13 this May, and I think it's time to re-christen her a la blog, but I haven't hit upon anything yet. All suggestions are welcome.

I'm a 3L now, which means that in the order of "Scare you to death, Work you to death, Bore you to death" I've hit Boredom. That's not entirely accurate, but I no longer fear being laughed out of school, which I suppose is a positive development. I can more or less coast on my basic skills when I need to cover material, and I'm less terrified of being called on in a large class: I'll do the best I can, but I'm not embarrassed if I can't follow every professor's every thought. I think a lot of the "boredom" my 3L classmates express is really just being tired, not that being tired is any less important. And I am very tired. I know I'll have to ramp up to full ramming speed for the bar next summer, and for now I'm taking it as slow as I can, given a 17-hour semester, working full time, and being a full-time single parent. Which is, as you can imagine, not very "slow."

In point of fact, most of August and September have flown by in a series of moving and unpacking and traveling and more unpacking and studying and lp coming home and yet more studying and some additional unpacking. I'm looking forward to October, in which I expect to have two whole weekends at home, a great improvement.

For those of you who have found this by searching, thank you. I did not intentionally drop my old blog; there was a series of Unfortunate Events and I was simply unable to figure out how to get various technological entities in alignment. I don't have time to learn how to make it work. My time has been consumed with the aforementioned move, and the learning of all the technologies to get one's television and computer networks up and running, and then the start of classes, and the single-mom-ing stuff. I've been productive, just not in the "teaching oneself how to host an independent blog" sense.

I'll be posting most of the things I've been writing for the past few months, a bit here and there, just for kicks. I hope you've all been well, and I've missed you.

All my love,
p